Sunday, December 07, 2008

4 years ago...

4 years ago - Someone broke my heart and my life was in shambles.
4 years ago - I was not in Your house and I knew You but felt You were distant.
4 years ago - I was estranged from my family and my life lost its colour when my heart was broken.

4 years ago - I wanted to further my studies for a degree but didn't know how.
4 years ago - I didn't think I could believe in love again.
4 years ago - I didn't think I could even trust men (even as friends) again.
4 years ago - I didn't think I would excel in my job.
4 years ago - Most of my friends then were his friends, my own set of friends had their own lives or were overseas.

4 years ago - Bitterness, Cynicism, Distrust, engulfed me.
4 years ago - I was self-driven but empty.


Since coming back to His house, He has changed all that.

During this Sunday's praise and worship, the Lord reminded me where I was 4 years ago and where I am now and how He brought about that transformation in my life. My heart was filled with gratefulness and thanks. I thanked Him for what He has done and is about to do.




Looking back at that past 4 years, I don't expect to be in His house.

But things started to change when the prodigal daughter came back to the Father's house...



I didn't expect to make many friends, brothers and sisters whom I now called my extended family. And a number of these people who were once total strangers and I didn't know of their existence... I have grown to love them.




I didn't expect my family members to become closer than before and to have the honor of worshipping Him in the same house.




I didn't think I could work full time and study my bachelor's part time, sponsored myself, stayed sane amongst the busy schedule and most of all, to graduate with a degree with honors.




I didn't think that while studying part-time, I was promoted twice consecutively in my job.




I didn't expect my poly best friend, Joan and I to rekindle and yet our love for each other remained strong and intact.

I didn't expect to be married to a fantastic husband who is also now one of my best friends.




I didn't expect Him to use whatever experience I had in my life, good and well the not so good to help and bring His hope to others who are in the same situations I was previously.




I didn't expect myself to be filled again with His hope and His love so much so that the colours in my life are more vibrant than before.




I didn't expect I could have the courage to believe in myself and believe in others too.




I didn't think I could pick myself up from a fall but He came down into the pit to carry me up and out of it... helped me stand on my feet and showed me how to walk again.




During worship today, He told me that where I am now is only a fraction of what He is going to do in my life. My mind was blown away when I heard that.




I want to pen this down as an 'altar' in my life of what He has done in my life since 4 years ago, to thank Him for His deliverance, His hand upon me and what He is going to do still in my years to come. Whatever it is...I know He has given me meaning and reason to my existence.




I pray some day next time, I will look back at this entry and be grateful to Him of what He has done in my life lest I become forgetful of His goodness and faithfulness and troubles seem too overbearing.




What about you? Where were you few years ago? =)

Monday, December 01, 2008

There is more

Arh... how fast November has parted with us. November seem like a whirlwind of events happening. It seems like I just blogged about November earlier about my relatives receiving Christ into their lives and then winning the inter-department company DnD cup.


Looking back, November was eventful indeed. Chris' good friend in good ol' Brisbane days, Puji was in town and I finally met him after hearing so much from Chris. It was amazing how a just acquainted friend like Puji could make people feel so comfortable to talk to him and it felt as though I have known him as long as Chris has! =) Talking, sharing and listening to Puji made me realise that we are definitely created for a bigger purpose than my own inhibitions, desires, wants, needs, worries, troubles, etc.. etc.. etc.


Adding on to this realisation from talking to Puji, recently I have been listening to Edmund Chan's audio sermons and as I was listening to one of his sermons on running with horses, the delivery in gist was that we are to run with horses with the empowerment of the Holy Spirit and with God on our side! Yet when we run with men (small, daily routine challenges), already we are complaining about everything about how weary we are, how we can never outrun them...no time... blah blah blah. How can we run with horses when we can't even handle running with men?


While listening to the sermon, I was thinking to myself... Here I am in comfy Singapore... worrying what should I wear to work tomorrow when there are others who only have one single set of clothings to wear until goodness knows when.


Here I am whining to God about my problems and complaining why He is so slow to act and why God sometimes can't be reached by say sms or something more convenient? And here I am complaining to God why He can't talk louder when the answer is pretty clear. The problem lies with myself.. busy with schedules, busy with activities, busy with appointments, busy blogging, busy even to some extent baking.. always tiring myself out BUT seldom a proper hour or two for God everyday. How can I be still before my God and know deep down He is God and to let Him speak when I am tired out from everything that I "created" (appointments, activities, rarara.. the whole works of a typical Singapore city life) with my own hands?


The last few days.. God brought me back to realising once more that I am made by Him for something more.. for something bigger than my own wants, needs, desires, worries, complaints, etc. And more importantly, to feast on His word, to feed myself with spiritual food and to sit in His lap and have intimate time with Him and know Him more than I ever known.


One morning I woke up with a thought... 2000 years ago, He was calling His people back to Him.
2000 years later, He is STILL calling His people back to Him. How faithful is my heavenly Father! This morning I woke up... and I heard one praise song lyric that goes something along the lines of "Your beloved for me.. still You made a way... ". That line struck me... I think no one in their sanity would send their own son to die for unappreciative people or to put it simply, specks of dusts who are too concern with themselves! But my God did that to free me and to give this speck of dust (me) a purpose!


To me... it simply doesn't make any sense. Yet I am left awe struck that He not only loves me a
lot, He won't give up on a speck of dust, He takes time out to listen to this speck of dust whine, He assures this speck of dust. He faithfully waits for a speck of dust to spend time with Him and talk to Him. It's bizarre yet it's unbeliveably true!!


There is more of Him that I have not seek.. there is more of Him that I don't know. I don't want December and 2008 to pass me by without having more of Him. There is definitely more that He wishes to tell me, to reveal, to listen to.. and there is surely more of His character that I desire to know. There is more of His heartbeat that I long to hear and be familiar with....